Sommelier of my own absurdity.

Mildly Tortured Musings

We Think You're Fat.

broadhead. has decided to embrace radical honesty. To accept that the truth is something that burns. So, here are a few things we (honestly) think:

 

Buzzwords are stupid. Including ones on our site. What does “igniting connections” even mean? Presumably, you pick a LinkedIn friend to set on fire. And if we had to pick one, it would be Josh. He’s the type of guy who drinks light beer from a funnel and makes sexually implicit comments about your close female relatives. You understand.

 

We want you as a client for the money. Or to raise our personal status by using your brand to do the fun, creative work of our choosing. So, I guess we judge books by their covers, or their advances, or both. You do too. In the back of your mind you know this. We aren’t a non-profit. 

 

We will mail it in from time to time. Mostly on Fridays. For example: The writer of this ad is only doing this piece to fulfill a corporate goal he set 3 months ago, and then forgot about. Even then, he’s only doing it because the goal is tied to his bonus. And there’s the miniscule chance that Morgan Drew sees it and decides that she was wrong in 6th grade; he really is good enough for her. How could she have been so blind?

 

A lot of things connect urban + rural. Freeways also connect urban and rural. Which makes us the freeway of advertising agencies. Because we have diminished time and budgets, so we have no choice but to get places quickly. Except you have to pay us for it. Which, actually makes us the toll-road of agencies, we suppose.

 

Like every agency ever, we “disrupt”, but safely. Want proof? Our agency is the last name of our founder. Despite being a proper noun, the “b” is lower cased. Why? To safely break convention. You don’t want your daughters going out with us.

 

We aren’t that different from your last agency. But we’re honest. To a fault. And that’s what makes us truly different. No more smoke, no more mirrors. Just thick skin, a clear conscience, and a sometimes-wavering voice. Because the truth burns, and so does our branding.

Grant Parsons